The Metanerd

(or whoever controls the seasons)

I love winter more than summer. I sweat a lot less, for one. But does it have to be so dark in winter? It makes it difficult to pull myself out of bed in the morning.

Alternatively, you can also gift me a better alarm clock.

Your friend, Bella

P.S. Why is it 60 degrees one day before Christmas? Please ask your friend the weatherman.

‘Tis the season for excessive hand lotion use

 vs 

I’m originally from San Francisco where we don’t have legitimate seasons. The concept of drastic weather pattern changes every 4 months or so is still a phenomena to me. Now that I’ve been in DC for 5 years, I think it’s time for me to make an official judgement. Which is better - summer or winter?

Summer - No more coat check! Let me save $2 and put it towards my happy hour drink fund. (+1)

Winter - My standard uniform is a t-shirt, cardigan, jeans, a pretty scarf and a pair of boots or kicks. The only item on this list that I can wear in the summer is the t-shirt. In fact, I think I wear only the t-shirt in the summer because it’s so damn hot. Plus or minus? I guess I’ll keep it neutral. (0)

Summer - Jazz in the Sculpture Garden is the penultimate DC young professional Friday afternoon summer time activity. (+1) Plus, you get to bring your own booze. (+1) But it seems that no matter how early you get there you will always be sitting in an awkward position trying not to shove your dirty feet into the nose of the stranger next to you or worse, it is so crowded that you are sitting outside the garden and you don’t even know it. (-2) And you can never hear the jazz. (-1) Total: (-1)

Winter - Inclement weather policies. This is real reason why I wanted to write this entire post. Every winter doesn’t pass you by without a panic about a snow storm. (+1) And usually it falls flat on our face. (-1)  But we do get to look forward to OPM’s declaration of inclement weather! (+1) And the beauty of having a city that doesn’t deal with snow well is that usually DC will shut down for at least a day or two. Even if your office doesn’t go by OPM, most employers will understand if you whine about how it’s not safe to drive to work. Heck, you don’t even have to drive to play the safety card. Once I slipped on ice and called in sick to work. I was better by noon, which consisted of me crawling back into bed anyways, and I got a nice mental health day. In Boston, you’d still have to go to work - no excuses. (+2) Total: (+3)

Summer - Let’s just get it out there. The Meta-nerd is one sweaty bitch. (-3) I need not provide graphic details. When I first moved here, I didn’t know a place could get so hot that wasn’t Hong Kong or the Sahara.

Winter - My fingers feel like they’re going to fall off even with gloves on. (-3) In fact, I think the glove hold the detached fingers in place and then they reattach themselves to my body once they feel the heat of the fireplace. (+1, for the fireplace not the reattachment of limbs) Total: (-2)

Summer - Cute sundresses and shorts at night and on the weekends in the summer do not balance out the work clothes I have to wear five days a week. Back to the sweaty bitch thing. (-1)

Winter - Can I subtract a point for every pair of Ugg boots in existence? Not the pairs on their luxury collections that look like real shoes, but the ubiquitous ones that make you look like a slob. Not fair? Fine, I’ll subtract one point per foot. (-2)

Summer - Tourists in DC. American or European, young or old, they all bug the shit out of me. (-1) Oh and you can’t forget summer interns. (-1) Total: (-2)

Winter - DC gets the perfect amount of snow. It snows rarely, but just enough where it looks pretty and you can enjoy it. When we do get enough to pile up into black snow, it melts away by the time you’re over the snow. (+1)

Summer total: (-6)

Winter total: (0)

WINNER: Winter?

I didn’t plan out the points before I wrote this. I don’t think it’s fair to award winter the winner because it doesn’t have positive points. Bottom line - I just sweat too damn much and there’s no more possibilities of inclement weather days off.